My Valley

Well, the family is gone, TNoya is back in Galveston and school is open. It is amazing how you can get use to sleeping late in only a week's time and now getting up 6am is a struggle. Thank God I only have 13 days before it closes again.

I am not sure I am looking forward to Christmas. This year I am in the valley of decision, I am tired, and to some point, frustrated. I don't want to shop, cook or put up a tress, it all seems like too much work for me. I keep coming back to my age and how I want things to be different, I don't want to find myself making the same mistake as I did 20 years ago, I don't want to struggle with the same crap as before. Life is too short and I am on the last half and I want to move forwards, upwards and onwards. I guess it is because my father died at the age I am now and I do realize how much he had ahead of him and how he worked himself and never found that time to relax and enjoy life. I don't want that and I struggle in finding the right balance in my life.

Seeing Red on Black Friday.

In-laws are in town, met my 7 months old nephew Zaiah and he is a beauty. I am happy to have them here and the change is great. My girls are home and Thanksgiving was really nice. I do realized, whiles watching everyone eat and laugh from great food and embarrassing "old stories" how blessed I am and I paused to say Thank you.

Yesterday for the first time EVER, I attempted to go to the mall on "Black Friday". My Lord,!!!!! are people really serious? It was as if the mother ship finally arrived and people had to get the last shopping in. It was a toss salad of people, every veggie was represented. My mother in laws had foot surgery and so we had to get her a wheel chair, think of that with 100,000 people stampeding towards you. All of that reminded me of why I hate shopping so much, the rude people, the slow one, the rushed ones, the lines at the cash register, at the bathroom, at the fitting room, at the restaurants, even trying to park we were met with lines. There were crying babies, cell phone LOUD talkers, angry mothers with lots of children, husbands you could tell were dragged to this great event, slow old people who should have just stayed home and drink tea. Yes.... what an experience, one I hope not to try again. On top of all of this it was rainy, cold, and windy...... yes Winter is here!!!!!

Signs of the times

I am off for Thanksgiving week, which I think I can enjoy once I get over this stupid cold. I am looking forwards for this Texas weather to change and for in-laws to come. Any change right now would be a good one. I do enjoy my in-laws in spite what other people say about "in-laws". They have always treated me like their own and never a harsh word, I am blessed.

You know what has surprised me this year, how all the stores and homes have by pass Thanksgiving and are already to Christmas? There are houses in you neighborhood that already have Santa, lights, tress decorated and in place. The stores are filled with Christmas supplies, what has become of Thanksgiving? Are we living in a world where to be thankful for one day is of no concern. I know the world has changed and just the simple, meaningful things in life are being pushed aside. We are so busy to make that next buck and fast as we can that we have no place to say "Thank you". I guess this is just one of the signs of the times.

Tomorrow my sister-in-law and I will be preparing for the Thanksgiving meal, she is a better cook and I am not into all that craziness especially after this flu. I am not sure how much I look forwards to Christmas other than the days off, maybe it would be one I will never forget, hopefully for the better. It is hard when you have a love one who died around Christmas ( maybe God should take December off for people to die) it is suppose to be a time of happiness and celebration. It is hard for those who have to celebrate alone because their families are so far away. Oh Well...... we'll see

Right here

It has almost been a month since I blogged. Things have changed a bit, but I am not sure if it is for the better or worse I am still trying to figure that one out. School is closed for Thanksgiving, yeeeeeeeahhhhh!!!!! I have been in bed for the last 2 day because of the flu and awaiting my in-laws to arrive on Wednesday. It would be a nice change, to be with family, to see my new nephew from New York and just to relax and have a change of pace.

My dance and piano lessons have been going quite well, I have enjoyed being taught by my daughter who has awaken pains in areas I did not know I had but the class take me away to a much tranquil, ocean air sense of calmness.

Another B-Day

I sat down the other day in my swing outside, it has been a long time since I did that. The sky was clear, sun shining and the cool air blew across my face, caressing it ever so gently. I begin to think about my life, where I have been, where I am now and where will I be going. Life has not being all that bad as I look proudly at my girls who has grown up so mature, responsible, beautiful young women, making a pathway for themselves. Now that they don't require my full attention, care and advice I stand not knowing where to turn. I feel naked and lost, I am not sure who I am. We as mothers invest our whole lives into our children and home ( time, money and effort) and when they are gone we are not sure what to do.... so guess what.... I decided to find ME !

On Monday night I attended my first (of many) adult jazz class. It was wonderful, of cause I ache in places I have long forgotten but I felt renewed when I left. It took me back to the days when dance was a big part of my life and how much I enjoyed it. The most amazing part of it all, my instructor is my own daughter, TNoya. Now is that not life in reverse, the student has now become the master. She was so proud of my efforts. I have also signed up for piano lessons at my school, yeah at my age but I am going to enjoy this new chapter of my life.

My birthday is tomorrow and I am thankful for life and families. I am not sure what this year will bring for me but I plan to get up and do something. It ain't over til its over!!

No more Candies!!!!

The students find my classroom everyday, even if I don't have them and why, to see me ...no. It is because of the big candy jar I have on my desk. The come in smiling, stand there, look at me and then wait for me to say "Yes, just one" and then they are gone.

On Friday I had the fright of my life. I was giving my grades 6 & 7 an English test, the room was quiet and then... a student begin to choke. He had swallowed the candy and was in a panic. The class of cause was frighten and shocked. I went over to him ( calming ) and told him to stand, relax and I did the "Heimlich maneuver".( see watching tv in not all that bad) He spat up on the desk, I told him to go wash his face and take a drink of water. It was only after that did my entire body freak out. The children were amazed and clapped cheerfully for me but I was shaking all over. I always thought it would be my 3 year old class not my six grader. After this I am not offering ANYONE anymore candy!!

Confused....

I am home on holiday today( Discovery Day)...great I can sleep in. Although it is a day that I can catch up with grading papers and cleaning house I am not one who stands behind this holiday.

I am from the place (island ) that Christopher Columbus really discovered and I don't think he needs to be celebrated. I have always said he brought nothing but diseases, disaster,

destructions to the native people. How can he claim ownership for Spain and say he discovered it when someone else was already living there.....explain that to me. He also came with men who were in prison in Spain that agreed to the adventure rather than jail. What kinds of havoc did they caused. He opened up doors for slavery so why is he celebrated I am confused.

Turning the page.

Another day and I am still trying to catch up. I never knew grading papers took more than a day to do. As I run around trying to be everything to everyone, I am tired and only look forward to getting in bed and sleeping. I think morning comes too fast and it's a fight just to get out of bed. I do realized that life can be worst and someone somewhere would trade with me in a heart beat.

Volleyball season is over this month and even though I am glad that I have my nights and weekends back, I will still miss it. I have made up my mind to take Jazz lesson with my daughter Tnoya as my teacher, how life reverse things. I remember when it was me who held her little legs whiles she tried to do a cartwheel.

I am sadden that my best friend is getting a divorce. I want to cry because this is a whole family, split and heading into a different directions. She has lost a son this year and this is just the last straw. I feel so much for the children as they must be experiencing another kind of death, the lost of the father and home. I know she is a strong person and will be there for her children. I do realized that she deserve to be happy too and is it hard to stay a place where you feel as if you are on an island with no way to get off. I do know this was not easy for her and it still comes with much thought and pain. I hope I can be a better friend during this time for her. My sister's divorce is also final and although that was hard for her she has been a great example of Christ strength through all of this. We women have become so strong and determined not to be like mothers before who stayed in a relationship because of children, finances, security, loneliness, abuse but NO MORE!!! We can make and have made a stand that we will no longer take this crap!!!

Tooooo Long

Yes, it has been to long since I last wrote, at least a month. Where do I begin to tell the story of how.... wait , that's a song. That is how things are for me, so crazy busy. I am back in school and it has not slowed down long enough for me to exhale. The classes, kids, lessons, test, grades, volleyball games continue to remind me of my age as I am feeling pains in places I did not know I had.

My family is in full swing, Tnoya is back teaching dance , this year she has 8 classes with adults and kids, I plan to join the jazz class when volleyball season is over. She is doing well and I am so proud of her, she had a cub (tiger) to take care of the other day, in her place ... at home.... I am not sure who child she is! Tneill is right in the swing of things, 17 hrs of classes, coaching varsity volleyball and still manage to fracture her hip whiles training. Yep!!!! ER, 4 hrs, ex ray,doctor, crutches and $770.00 later she is doing well.

I do realize that life stops for no one and things happened along the way to remind us that 1. we are not in charge, 2. we can not change things, 3. whatever will be, will be 4. Deal with it!! I feel if I take that attitude then I would have less stress and more sleep.

Back In School...1st 2 days.

Well school has been opened from Thursday, I hate having to get up @6:30 but I will get use. It was an exciting 2 days, meeting all the students, giving out books and telling them what I expect in my class. It was a bit confusing for them but I think it will take a week or two before we are settled in. I am looking forwards to an exciting year. We had our first volleyball tournament out of town on Friday, off and running !!!! We did well on Friday won all 6 of our games, got back to school around 9pm, ate at Chilli's @ 10pm, too tired to go to Wal-Mart and in the end 6 of the girls slept at my house. It was fine because we just wanted to shower and sleep.

Saturday we were up by 8:30, @ school by 9 and playing out 1st game @ 11. We lost 3 so we got 2nd place. I did not think that was bad as we have just started and hope to get better as the days and games go on.

Spoke to my 2 sisters ( Tabby & Deidre) online the other night and it was so great to see my little niece on the webcam, it is amazing what we can now do. She was looking, touching, eating and of cause fell asleep in the end. I really do miss my sister, mom and their families. Being a close family is hard when you are so far from home but this is my choice. Just to see them, to talk, to laugh has always been such a medicine for me. I wish we could do more of it. It is times like these I wish I was home.:-(

Blessing

Yesterday I went with Tnoya and Josh to a car dealership, Tnoya needed a small reliable gas saving car and since she finished with her SUV ( gas hog) she wanted to make that change now. Macy, a student of mines mother is the manager of a Lincoln Mercury Dealership and she told us to give her all the information and she will work something out for Tnoya. So here we are on our way, of cause this place was 50 mins away but we went during traffic ( rush hour) and got stuck in all of that, plus TNoya SUV had no a/c.... and it rain....yes it was not nice.

Due to the traffic it took us 3 hrs to get there, once we did she had already left but had things in place for us. One of the sales person who knew nothing of the arrangement approached us and said "Hi and what's the problem". We looked at each other and said excuse me ( i guess he saw black and thought here comes trouble) Once he went into the office and realized HIS BOSS was our friend he was a different man, I could not believe the change,it was now " Do you want anything to drink?" yeah.... we belong there too. He was assigned to us and was never so sweet.

The car that they picked for TNoya was a PT Cruiser 2006 with only 3,000 miles. Gave her the keys and said see you next week. Tnoya did not like the type of car she felt it looked like a small hearse and it's black. She was not happy but began to reason with herself, saying that she prayed for any kind of car that will be reliable, gas saving car that will have no problems.... and that what God gave her. She felt that she looked like a geek or grandma in it but I assured her she did not. I think it is growing on her, she takes about how thankful she is. She really deserve it, she has worked so hard and needs this blessing in her life.

I am so happy for her, she has a car that I don't have to worry about her with and she can do all those long runs she has to make 4 xs a week to teach dance and driving home at night. We now have her car.....umm Winston has her car because he need one to get him up and down to Galveston and of cause I still have my "old faithful 260,000 miles 1996 van. I don't mind. Two days ago in the flooding waters on my street, I saw updated cars, new car all flooded, or parked on the side of the road and yet I pass them all........... God is Good!

My class

Today I really got into my class, rearranging, decorating, applying,assembling, yes and I was ready. I arranged the desk to look like "Knights of the round table. I am trying to develop a positive, debatable circle. I have to change the posters and pictures on one side of my wall . Tneill said it look like what you would put on walls in nursing homes so..... I have to look for "slamming posters"... don't ask, I have no clue.

Having to teach English,Grammar and Literature will be a task but I am up to the new adventure. I have 7 classes ( 6 grade to 12th) I already have 2 massive books for each class and today I was given 10 more. I really don't see how I am going to get through these books by May, really...... I don't intend to. Now I have to sit down and prepare lesson plans for each day and I have not yet started. I am praying that I have a creative mind and can introduce to the student as fun yet mature way of learning. We will see...

Bitter/Sweet

Were you ever in a position where it was a bad thing yet a good thing. That's how I felt today, my last day working at the daycare, my last day with my 25 three year olds. I was sad to be leaving them, they do leave a lasting impression on you but then I am so happy that I get to sleep later and be able to do the things I pushed aside because i was too tired to deal with it after a long day. Hey... did I say daycare workers are under paid and not appreciated.

I had promised to do something special for them so I made 25 "goodie bags" for all my 3 and 4 year olds. I had them color their white bags, put their names on them and filled it with cookies, candies, toys and of cause stickers. I told them at the end of the day I would be sure to give them their bags and you know not one child forgot. As their parents signed for them, they asked "Can I have my goodie bag now?" There was no good-byes, hugs or tears from them because it was my last day, only hugs to say thank you for their bag of candies.

This summer was a great experience, to remind me that there are still children who can be molded into great adults. That you can make a difference, life goes on and the sun does come out...... rain or shine, it does.

My last week

It has been along time since I wrote. Things are so busy for me and it is about to get worse. I have started preparing for my classes ( ENglish) as school will be open on the 23rd. I have been coaching volleyball for more than a week now and still with the daycare." Praise The Lord!" this is my last week.

I am sure it takes special people to teach, watch and discipline 14 three year olds, thank God it was a summer job for me. I don't think people are aware of the great involvements this type of job is. You have to be watchful at all times, separate fights, change poopie underwear ( i gag) pat back at nap time, encourage them to eat their broccoli and fish sticks, mop up vomits,hug, kiss and hold because of sick tummy, "boo boos", angry mothers, sad and oops reports.

After doing that from 9-6, you then have to stop to the store on the way home, once home it is dinner to be cooked, clothes to be washed, house to be clean. How does one do it......I am not sure. I think these women are so underpaid and not appreciated by employers, parents, and family.

Yes, I am going to miss those running to hug my legs first thing in the morning, I am going to miss those way out stories about super heroes, Dora,little mermaid ( I can now sing the song, Whole New World). I will miss the tight squeeze at the neck, the sloppy kisses and the shouts of "I love you Ms. Lorna!" on their way out the door.

As I leave, I wonder as I look at them, what will they become in the next 5 years, the next 10 years. What kind of person will they be but most of all I wonder if anything I did or say made a different in their lives....... I hope the seed I planted grows into something wonderful!

Same old...Same old

It has been a while since i wrote something. Same old, Same old....Different day, same crap..... Another day, another dollar. The rain have stop for a while and boy the sun came back with vengeance. It felt like 100 degrees today.I am not sure which one I prefer.

Volleyball practices are in full swing and my class room is coming together. Before we know it school will be open and another type of stress will begin. Life goes on, changes are inevitable,

and I am coping

The dim reality of Age

At my age, I am just getting for the first time contact lens!! I went in to test my eyes for glasses but after waiting and watching older people sit and put their contacts in, I felt I could do the same. I hate the part when they tell you that a sudden puff of air will blow into your eyes so sit still and expect it. Of cause the anticipation leaves you more nerves than before. The doctor was really informative and strongly suggested contacts over glasses, was that for my benefit or was it her sales pitch for more money. I found out that my left eye can't see far and the right can't see near, and now I have two different prescriptions for each eyes and 2 different brands. I did leave paying more than I intended to.

As I left I have come to the conclusion that I am getting older and things are falling apart., the grey in my hair,loss of focus in my eyes, breasts going south, waist line disappearing, knees in pain and feet sore. Man.... I have arrived...old age!!!!

" Mean Girls"

Today I watched as 4 of my 4 year old girls treat another little girl so meanly. One of the "mean girls" told me she did not like the new girl and will not play with her. I could not get any of them to at least try to play with her.

At first I thought it was because she was a new student, but in watching them I realized it was more than that. Her mother dressed he like her brothers and she has a little boy hair cut. This did not attract the other girls to treat her like one of them and they only saw her like a boy.

How sad, that at this age they already judge you by how you look and already know what and who they want in their circle. I am hoping this does not last very long and they will come around to find her as a wonderful class-mate.

Getting Ready

Today I found out I am teaching English/Grammar not only to jr. high but high school......you know..... the ones with very big attitudes, mood swings,"whatevers". I have my work cut out for me. I am also the volleyball coach and we start training next Wednesday. I am praying we have a good team as my daughter TNeill ( who has won 2 volleyball state championships) work their butts off.

Posters on the wall.

Today I spend about 3 hours in my newly assigned classroom where I will be teaching 6th, 7th, 8th grades English/Grammar/Creative Writing. I have in the past put up cute "bunny" posters on my walls but this year I know I have to be different. I have jr. highs students now, the ones with the up and down emotions, cell phones and "myspace." How do I put up poster that will encourage, motivate these young minds that when they step into my room they would want to excel, to produce, to dream.......yeah right!!

I really want this school year to make a difference for the students as well as myself. I am searching for ideas to entice the students to investigate, to research. I know they are from such different homes with different problems and jr. high I feel is one of the hardest time in school. I found some posters that have "Vision" " Goals" "Risk" "Faith" maybe there will be a change.

Stickers

A rainy July 4th and 5th. I did nothing much. TNoya and 2 friends( co-workers) came over so she wanted me to cook "Bahamian food", which I did. They just got off work and was heading to the airport for Washingston, a co-worker is getting married this weekend. Of cause I dropped them off, praying God's traveling mercies on them all. On the way home I notice Tnoya's car tag and inspection was expired. These young people have no fear. You think she forgot on purpose? I did not want it to stay like that and I know she works so hard, so this morning I got up early and went to the court house got the tags, then got the car inspected,all before 9:00 am. So now I would not have to worry about it until next year. I really don't mind if I have it because Tnoya is a very wonderful,hard working young lady and I am proud to have her as my daughter and what mother would not do for their child. I would give my life for both of my girls....

I am indeed Blessed!!!!

"Little Mouth"

Today was a long and strange day. I had to use my lunch hour to give my husband the car and of cause it took my whole lunch hour to do it. ....bummer! It got worst, at the end of the day when the parents came to get their little "angels" I had one who told his mom the "teacher hit me" of cause I was shocked, surprised and mad. Of cause you see the belief in the mother's eyes but it was not so. I then begun to see how something is said and your whole thoughts, moods, emotions changes. Why would I hit someone's child, Of cause he does not use the right words to say what he means. To know that one word, statement can change a person's relationship, job and even a person life. It is not a nice feeling. To be accused of something that is not so can be devastating. The world has changed so much and a mis-placed word can start wars!

" Be careful little mouth what you say"

The Horn

Got my a/c fixed on Saturday and it was a blessing. As I went with my friend to the hardware store to get the much need part, we heard the horn go off at our nearby plant. I live in an area surrounded by industrial plants and every Saturday at noon, they sound a horn to say all is well ( I guess). This caused me to think, what if some disaster happened on Saturday around noon and the horn sounded as a warning, I would not even think there is trouble, I would not run for cover, hide in place, protect my family. It has become such a habit to expect the horn that it would be a normal Saturday sound.
Does it not remind you how we just make things so common to our daily lives that warning horns no longer causes us to stop and wonder.

Lazy but nice

Today I did nothing. I did not have to work ( yeah, not screaming kids) I slept in late, went to a movie, got fast food and even the hot house ( still no a/c)and rain did not damper my spirits...... God is good!

How can I be of help?

I had it all plan on what I was going to write about tonight, complain about something with no value but then I read my best friend's blog and realize how trivial my problems are. You see, Cassie, she lost her 20 year old son about 3 weeks ago, found him dead in their pool and as I watch her take charge in making atrrangements, thanking everyone, speaking at Nathan's memorial I can only watch in amazement of how she kept herself so strong and together. This was a woman who was not sure what she wanted to do with her profession, how to juggle her home, family and money but there she was "In Charge". She has made me see her in a different light and I would forever remember her strength. Now I see her after all is over, a mother, in pain and heart broken over the lost of her child. She cries, there is a void but she knows he will never return. What do I say, what do I do. I know she has faith, I saw it, I know she has hope, she spoke it. It is so hard when you are trying to find the right words, I guess all I can do is pray and be there for her.... what little comfort.

Don't sweat the small stuff........I am !

This is my 3rd night without a/c. We are still waiting for "the man" to come and fix it but until then eating ice and cold showers will have to do. I really can't remember when it was so hot and I was so uncomfortable which goes to show that we take the daily things in our lives for granted. I know there is a life lesson in this and maybe it is to appreciate the small things in life and having a friend who knows how to fix an aircondition!!!!

"Clicks"

Today as I sat and watch the twelve 3 year olds play, I realized that even they have their own little world. The "clicks" have already formed, the divas who must have their way or else they are not playing, crying when their dresses are dirty and of cause must have their shades at all times. Then there are the thugs who bully the gym and the sleeping cots, there are the jocks that can complete any tasks given as long as it is physical and of cause the quiet, smart ones who sometimes are never notice. It is amazing that they start so young. There are fights, trades, negotiations, underhanding....worst than Wall St. but once you get them all covered in their Barney, Sponge Bob blankets and are all are asleep, how innocent are their faces, after all they are angels.

Can I just reach home!!

We had rain AGAIN. That's not too bad but when you have twelve 3 yr olds have to walk in the biggest puddles of water and complete their jumping jacks before moving on....WHY?. Have you ever had a day when you just wanted to get home and even though you drive the same direction every day, today just felt as if I would never reach. Maybe tomorrow will be better

Even Me

I am not sure why I have started but it feels nice.