Another B-Day

I sat down the other day in my swing outside, it has been a long time since I did that. The sky was clear, sun shining and the cool air blew across my face, caressing it ever so gently. I begin to think about my life, where I have been, where I am now and where will I be going. Life has not being all that bad as I look proudly at my girls who has grown up so mature, responsible, beautiful young women, making a pathway for themselves. Now that they don't require my full attention, care and advice I stand not knowing where to turn. I feel naked and lost, I am not sure who I am. We as mothers invest our whole lives into our children and home ( time, money and effort) and when they are gone we are not sure what to do.... so guess what.... I decided to find ME !

On Monday night I attended my first (of many) adult jazz class. It was wonderful, of cause I ache in places I have long forgotten but I felt renewed when I left. It took me back to the days when dance was a big part of my life and how much I enjoyed it. The most amazing part of it all, my instructor is my own daughter, TNoya. Now is that not life in reverse, the student has now become the master. She was so proud of my efforts. I have also signed up for piano lessons at my school, yeah at my age but I am going to enjoy this new chapter of my life.

My birthday is tomorrow and I am thankful for life and families. I am not sure what this year will bring for me but I plan to get up and do something. It ain't over til its over!!

No more Candies!!!!

The students find my classroom everyday, even if I don't have them and why, to see me ...no. It is because of the big candy jar I have on my desk. The come in smiling, stand there, look at me and then wait for me to say "Yes, just one" and then they are gone.

On Friday I had the fright of my life. I was giving my grades 6 & 7 an English test, the room was quiet and then... a student begin to choke. He had swallowed the candy and was in a panic. The class of cause was frighten and shocked. I went over to him ( calming ) and told him to stand, relax and I did the "Heimlich maneuver".( see watching tv in not all that bad) He spat up on the desk, I told him to go wash his face and take a drink of water. It was only after that did my entire body freak out. The children were amazed and clapped cheerfully for me but I was shaking all over. I always thought it would be my 3 year old class not my six grader. After this I am not offering ANYONE anymore candy!!

Confused....

I am home on holiday today( Discovery Day)...great I can sleep in. Although it is a day that I can catch up with grading papers and cleaning house I am not one who stands behind this holiday.

I am from the place (island ) that Christopher Columbus really discovered and I don't think he needs to be celebrated. I have always said he brought nothing but diseases, disaster,

destructions to the native people. How can he claim ownership for Spain and say he discovered it when someone else was already living there.....explain that to me. He also came with men who were in prison in Spain that agreed to the adventure rather than jail. What kinds of havoc did they caused. He opened up doors for slavery so why is he celebrated I am confused.

Turning the page.

Another day and I am still trying to catch up. I never knew grading papers took more than a day to do. As I run around trying to be everything to everyone, I am tired and only look forward to getting in bed and sleeping. I think morning comes too fast and it's a fight just to get out of bed. I do realized that life can be worst and someone somewhere would trade with me in a heart beat.

Volleyball season is over this month and even though I am glad that I have my nights and weekends back, I will still miss it. I have made up my mind to take Jazz lesson with my daughter Tnoya as my teacher, how life reverse things. I remember when it was me who held her little legs whiles she tried to do a cartwheel.

I am sadden that my best friend is getting a divorce. I want to cry because this is a whole family, split and heading into a different directions. She has lost a son this year and this is just the last straw. I feel so much for the children as they must be experiencing another kind of death, the lost of the father and home. I know she is a strong person and will be there for her children. I do realized that she deserve to be happy too and is it hard to stay a place where you feel as if you are on an island with no way to get off. I do know this was not easy for her and it still comes with much thought and pain. I hope I can be a better friend during this time for her. My sister's divorce is also final and although that was hard for her she has been a great example of Christ strength through all of this. We women have become so strong and determined not to be like mothers before who stayed in a relationship because of children, finances, security, loneliness, abuse but NO MORE!!! We can make and have made a stand that we will no longer take this crap!!!