Wednesday, December 31, 2008


New Year...........Change?

Monday, December 29, 2008


Friends....... they are more special than one would think. Today as I was getting a copy of my divorce papers downtown, a friend Elaine was in town and invited me to lunch, she explain it was her birthday and another of our friends Mary will be joining us. I was excited as I have not seen either women for a number of years. Once at the restaurant they each brought their daughters, Melody and Lisa, who I remember as little girls are now all grown up and in college. We had a wonderful time, catching up on the excitement and changes in our lives, laughing at old times and enjoy the food. After two hours we parted ways, promising to do this again.... soon.......
I had laundry to do so I headed off to do just that when another old friend,Dorenda called and invited me to dinner, as full as I was I jumped at the chance and went over to her house enjoying dinner with her family. Once again seeing her children all grown and wondered where time went. It too was really relaxing to visit with them.
As I labored taking my clothes upstairs, I thought how nice it isto have thoughtful friends, who want to include you in their family events. I do treasure my friends, some are far away but never forgotten. I do appreciate them all because even though my life have changes due to my divorce, I am still the same old Lorna to them and that's nice.

Sunday, December 28, 2008


Tneill left for school today, reluctantly because she did not want me to be alone. I assured her that it will be OK. I am the mother I am the one who is to worry, encourage and pray not her. I did not want to let her go but knew I had to. My worries for her and her drive (5hrs) alone to school is not too bad because I had a GPS installed in her car and it has worked to get her home safe and will do the same for school...... Thank God!!
I am always happy when she is here, we had a wonderful time being together, we had great talks about the future and directions in our lives, we laugh about the good old times, we listed our new year's resolutions and just sat quietly sometimes. We lightly discussed her father as she nor her sister wants to ever talk about him. With anger put aside, we are more sorry for him as he had no family around him for the holidays, I guess he relied on " friends".
I am praying, thinking and looking forwards to the new year and what is in store for me.

Friday, December 26, 2008


TNeill is leaving on Sunday to go back to school. I know she has to but I am not ready to be alone. It is just that having someone around makes each day easier to handle.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

A New Tradition

Christmas Day !!!! It was very nice to say the least. Tnoya called yesterday and said she wanted to start a new tradition, a memory that we come over to her place and spend the night cooking, watching dvds and just relaxing with each others. So Tneill and I packed up the pots, pans, food, clothes etc and headed over there. It was really nice, we got pizza, hot wings and cokes whiles we watch Anchor Man and The Mummy #3. It was a nice night . I prepared the ham and mac for tomorrow and blew up the air bed ( uncomfortable).
Christmas morning came, I made their favorite tuna and grits, yeah we love that. I cooked the food and just watch Madea to laugh. I am so happy to be with my girls TNoya gave us our gifts and was so excited to see our expressions as we opened them. Thank you God for wonderful girls, I am indeed blessed. We then, with TNoya's friends, went to her job where we watched IMAX, The Light of Christmas, and then walked around at the Festival of Lights, it was a foggy night but it was nice, a happy time to forget the pain. After that we got our stuff and hug Tnoya, I did not want to let her go and she said I could hug her as long as I wanted, it felt so good, so right.
I did not know what to expect on my first Christmas being divorced, I don't know how I would have made it without my daughters who made that day one to treasure. In the end after I reflect on the day and thank God for all he has done, he place compassion in my heart and I texted Winston and said "Merry Christmas, Winston."

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Feelings at Christmas

It's Christmas Eve, I know there is suppose to be a feeling of giving, singing, rushing in the air..... me..... , I don't feel it. People are jamming the shopping malls, the banks, the last minute gifts getting. I have done nothing, participate in nothing. I am not sure if it is due to my divorce and knowing that things will never be the same on Christmas or if it's just because I don't feel like. I am not sure.
I did however promised my girls I will cook on Christmas day, Bahamian food, just for them. TNoya even said it was only us 3 so we can go to Golden Corral than to do Christmas dinner at home. Man... I thought that would be the lowest of the low. I guess she was only saving me the work but she too said it is not Christmas to her. I am so sad that the joy has been taking away but I do know that it will get better, we will learn how to make new memories, how to create an atmosphere of celebration. All is not lost and we will have happy times at Christmas again.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The gift

Today I have to go for a copy of my divorce papers at the court house downtown. Can you believe you don't even get a free copy. I have to pay $5.00 for them to look up my case and $1.00 for each page they copy. I am not sure how it will feel, to see in my hands the papers that legally detached me from 27 years of marriage. I guess it will be confirmation for me, making it all real. I still don't like it and never thought this would happen to me but I know this is life and it was something had to be done in order for me to live life like how I should.
I was thinking of getting a copy for Winston and wrapping it like a Christmas gift and mailing it to him. I am sure this will be one gift he would keep.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Covered in Red.

Even though I am off from school for the holidays I choose to work at the daycare today. They gave me the "after schoolers " all 16 of them. To say they were active and non stop conversations about Santa and their Christmas lists was an under statement.
Oh to be a child again, to live in the world where wishes do come true and Santa is real. To believe in a man who knows all about you, who delivers all of your desires and wants. A man covered in red, ready to forgive and knowing that he will reach that dead-line

Hey am I talking about Santa or Jesus Christ.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


Today I went to the church my ex-husband and I pastored for 6 years. I had promised 3 children there that I would come and watch them participate in their Christmas play. I did not know what to expect once I got there, after all, there were still members who remembered my ex as being a pastor and did not know what happened to us.
The now pastor and his wife are good friends of ours and she did invite me to sing carols with them and told the congregation who I was......a bit strange. The children did well and afterwards we went in the back to eat and pass out gifts. I did have a few members who asked me about Winston and what he was doing, I was able to slip away by pretending not to hear but had to sit by one who insisted on talking about Winston and how good he was. I leaned over and whispered in her ears "we are divorced". She was shocked and spoke no more.
The rest of the day got better, I spend it with an old friend, a member from the church . We watched a dvd, ate and just talk. It was a relaxing time and I enjoyed being away from home for a while. I left at 7pm and on my way home drove the route that we did when we pastored and I started to cry, remembering how we did those drives for 6 years,talking, laughing, singing with the girls all the way home. At one point, when we reached downtown, Winston would wake up TNeill because she loved to see the tall buildings, he would say "T'Neill the city!!!" .....I miss that, I realized that no longer are we going to be together, the memories will no longer be shared. I really do hate divorce, it destroyed everything!!!!!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A good day

I could not believe I slept until 11:30 this morning, I was too surprised. TNoya and Tneill was with me and they awoke before me, never would I thought it would be possible. It was nice. We got dressed and went to get Tnoya's Christmas gift, a new cell phone. She was so thrill and very appreciative as to not want me to spend that much on her but I knew she needed it and I wanted to do something nice for her. She has always been there for me, checking on me every night, listening to me complain about my weight, assuring me that I did the right thing in divorcing her dad. Ahhhhh daughters they become your mother.
I then focus my attention to Tneill she too has been everything to me, she is a bit more compassionate and concerned when it comes to me. I knew she wanted new rims for her car for at least 2 years now so I told her we need to look and get her the set. She warned me that they are expensive but I was still shocked when we priced some ( $1,100.00-2000.00). She too felt like it was too much and said she did not want me to spend that kind of money. I told her we will continue to look and find something cheaper. My girls are good girls, never caused me a day's problem, never had to deal with stress over them. They deserve the best in life and I just wish I could give them all that they need.
It was a good day being with them, I did reflect on how sad it was that whiles we eat lunch in Apple Bees, laughing at silly jokes, their father was not there, missing out on the family togetherness. I wonder if he thought about us today.

Friday, December 19, 2008

School close......yeeeeeeeeha!

It's the Christmas party in our class. Yes, the 6th graders were so excited to be at school today. There were hands filled with gifts for friends, foods for the party, Santa hats and the weii, halo,dsl and ipods. Man how times have changed. It was fun, to see the happiness and excitement on their faces. Of cause they had gifts for their teacher, I love Christmas, lots of nice little gifts from students. It really make those day when you wonder if you are in the right profession worth sticking it out. To know that in their Christmas shopping they thought about you and wanted to show their love, I do appreciate that so much, they are really little angels.
The students get off early today but we have to stay and clean up until 3:30pm and then my oldest will be taking me to a Rocket's game tonight. This has been a good day!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Goodness of God

One more day before we close for Christmas break. The children are excited but I am even more. They are talking about gifts, shopping, food,late nights and just been able to hang out with friends and family. Just to sleep longer than 6am will be great for me.
This is a time of year to reflect on all the wonderful things God has done and is doing for us. My year was a hard, painful year. One I would not wish on my worst enemy but here I am, I have survived. God has been good, I have my daughters, my mom and sisters, my friends, I will live.
Just take the time in spite of it all and reflect on the goodness of God. He is the reason for the season.It should say Christmust than Christmas, for you to live Christ must be a part of your life.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Encouraging words for those in my shoe

Divorce is like a tornado—ripping through your life, threatening to destroy everything in its path. The emotional whirlwinds bring fear, confusion, and despair, affecting you, your children, family members, and friends. You will likely wonder Why did this storm hit my life and why does it hurt so much?Dr. Jim A. Talley says, "The reality is that divorce is the most painful thing you can go through because it impacts so much of your life. There's no way around or easy way out. And everybody is looking for a painless way out of this whole situation." It is easier to clean up the physical damage of a tornado than the emotional damage caused by divorce.
"You may wish you could get through the pain quicker, but healing is a process, a day-by-day, moment-by-moment process. In order to experience any level of recovery, you must see it through. There are no shortcuts. But take heart, in the coming days and weeks you will see it is possible to heal and to look to the future with hope.
''For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I left home yesterday with a thin blouse as the weather was quite warm and by noon it was 40 degress. Texas is such a cunfused place, you really have to watch the news to know how to dress each day. It remains me on how life changes so fast and if you are not ready it will catch you by surprise, unprepared and lost. We feel as if we are in such control of our lives and future only to find that someone else, mighty is calling the shouts.
I notice the other day a church in our area with a sing about divorce care so I stopped in yesterday and got the information. They will start again for the new year and I really would like to attend. I am having problems in dealing or knowing how to deal with the Christmas without a husband and the family I have been so use to. To decorate, to cook, to buy presents, to hang out together is forever gone and that is something to comprehend. I am forced to make changes, after 27 years of the same things will be no more.It is sad, but I do have my girls and they will be with me at Christmas. I don't know how I would have made it this far and to know that there are some without family and having to face Christas alone.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Misssing my dad.

December 11th was a sad day for me, it was the anniversary death of my dad. 26 years ago and yet it feels like yesterday. I really do miss him and the great role model he was for me. I am sad that he never met any of his grandchildren, they would have loved him as he would them. I hate the fact that his death was during the time of Christmas, that day he went and bought the Christmas tree, we decorated it just for him. I only wish God would take off December with death, it really ruins the season for celebrating.
Life is so unsure, you should live each day as if it is your last. I remember seeing my dad that day and kissing him goodbye as I left, we always did that and I am so happy I did because I did not know it would be the last kiss. I am so thankful he showed us how to live and love and even though his death was sudden I have no regrets for he gave us time to express our feelings to each other. I like that and have adopted his ways to teach my girls, we never leave each other without hugs and kisses cause it could be your last.
I loved him very much and thought he would be in my life much longer than he was but I know if I continue to walk in the faith I will see him again.

I love and miss you dad.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Today has been so cold, I mean I do love cold weather but today came with rain. I had few reasons to go outside but when I did I was met with such wind of anger and force. The cold went right through my clothes and into my bones, wrapping me as if I was a Christmas gift.
And to top that SNOW in Houston,!!!! can you believe that. The last time we had snow it was Christmas Eve a few years ago and everyone in the neighborhood came outside to experience a rare event. I am not sure what this Christmas would bring but snow would be wonderful. I only wish I had a fire-place to complete the Christmas picture.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


TNeill will be coming home for Christmas on Friday and it would be so nice to spend the time with her. You love your children but letting them go to make their own life is hard. As a mom you just want to watch over them and keep them close like a mother hen and her chicks but even a hen at some point allows her chick to venture on their own. How they grow so fast. I sometimes run into students I taught in 5th grade, high school, and they are now married, with children, divorced.... time wait on no one.
Yes it is evident when I see that I now have to dye my hair because of all the grey, I can't climb stairs the way I use to and I now refuse to get on a roller-coaster. Where has the time gone, what have I accomplished in the time I had, what doors will be open for me in the future, once again only time will tell.
Time, time, time, it makes us older, it makes us slower, it makes us it is said
"Time waits for no man"

Monday, December 8, 2008

Cold Weather

I love this weather that we are now having, the cold wind, the clear skies. I love the blankets and long sleeve pj's you have to put on at night. The cold that hit you right in the face at the front of the door in the mornings, if you are not fully awake , you are then. This kind of weather/season just makes you feel happy and relaxed. I love it, to see the students in their many colored boots and jackets.( It think I am too old for boots but love to see them on the younger ladies.)
To hear the Christmas songs on the radio and to see the decorations going up all over the place. People are happier and less annoyed, I think it is the season. If there is one thing I wish could change during this time is that no one dies in December. It is a time for celebrations, joy, fun and happiness and a death of a love one takes it all away. I wish God can put death on vacation until the next year.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Let go, Let God

As I taught Sunday class this morning, I reflect on how we want to do and have things on our own time and with our own conditions. To say you trust in God means that you must let everything go...fully. To stand on his words no matter how it looks or feel and to have that faith that God, and not you, is in control. We as human hate to give up anything that we can not govern. What a lesson, because many times I tried to fix things and in the end made it worst than when I started, Why is it that we can not understand or insist in doing thing our way in spite of the warnings.
Are you holding onto something that you think you can not live without, are you trying to fix a problem that is too big for you, or just refuse to do anything at all. I realized that God does not expect us to have a mind of a genius but a heart of a child and we should approach so.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


This is one weekend I was looking forwards to. To sleep in and enjoy a good breakfast but it did not turn out like I plan. I did not sleep at all with a sore throat and was up most of the night squashing hot water a salt in my mouth for comfort, did not work. Tnoya came over and brought me halls. It is nice when you can just relax at home, stay in pj's and don't comb your hair. We all need a day like that, one when we don't have to think or act.
Christmas is coming so fast and I would like to home for the Christmas, Nassu Bahamas. I miss my mom and sisters very much and my need to be close is due to a great separation in one who I thought was an everlasting friend, was I surprised. I still don't think I will do any decorations this year, I had a friend Cassie who gave me some really compelling reasons to do it but I don't know.
I am so thankful to have such honest friends who stood with me through it all.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Back to normal

Back in school and to hear the students talk about their Thanksgiving was great. I am so blessed to teach in a Christian school where it is ok to mention the name of God. My girls are gone, back to their homes and all has return to normal. It is quiet again, but I do miss them. I don't know how one can make it being alone with no one to fellowship with.
I have also decided not to do any decorations for Christmas. I am not buying any tree this year. I don't feel the spirit of Christmas as this will be my first away from the "home and husband " I knew.